Pretty Putri Pouts

Sad sad feeling

2011-01-20T01:44:00.000+08:00

Didn't plan to write anything actually but somehow feeling that I need to..

Feeling bored and hurt when mr bf. loves to go to kl without me and hanging out just with his friends..
considering the fact that I am stranded here at home, not allowed to go out to kl other than just kuantan..and pekan (geez!)
Knowing some more that he really had a good hanging out moments with his friends..and some of them are very, pretty petite, attractive, THIN and well behaved young girls...>_

When I am here in the house everyday doing the same routine waiting for my SI from petronas only hoping and praying that I'll pass it with good results..lying there in front of the tv looking almost dead..and sometimes did not even walk more than 1m from the house gate..(geez!!)

I don't know really..for the time being I don't really feel like talking to him..I really prefer to just sulk..
I even feel that he shouldn't be coming to Kuantan...I just want to sulk...
Well, I am jealous of course...who doesn't get jealous???

And yes, fyi, THIN, gorgeous, petite and beautiful young girl is a definite threat for God sake...when will he understand that!!
And yes, I am angry...cause I somehow feel neglected...even if he's coming over on Saturday..to meet me
Ahh..I'm such a mess.
Yonghwa, please seduce me right now..I really need some love...

And yes, I haven't got my period yet!!..can't it just be on the dot every month??!!

Still I'm praying that he'll have a safe journey here on the way to Kuantan...I still vowed to sulk though..=(

Merajukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A difficult situation..

2011-01-15T21:47:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in a situation when u have to decide which sides are you going to be in..?

And yet when you don't choose sides..you will still be blamed..

When the only think you want to do is not to make things worst..and to sustain that serenity you have with the others...

What I've learn in life from this tragedy is that..maybe..just maybe..when somebody tried to get away from u, that particular person might be feeling suffocated from all the attention and obsession that are put on him/her..
Maybe and just maybe...some things have to be sincerely asked..not forced...
Maybe and just maybe..we do not know that a person cannot be owned and told what to do..
Maybe and just maybe...we do not only own anybody and we also cannot forced anybody to want, like, love and respect us as much as we want to...
Just live life without expectations..and respect what people want and do not want from us..
Maybe and just maybe...life is not about depending on others to make us happy and entertained..
Maybe just maybe...when u have a bird in your hands..you must know that when it has to fly..it has to fly..
Maybe just maybe...when the time comes..u have to let go..or it will die...

What is the point of owning a bird who doesn't want to be owned and to be tied down..?
What is the point of labeling the bird your own when it does not want to be labeled as yours..?
And the bird has its own journey and choices it wants to make..
No matter if it's right or wrong...it does not give us the right to make it follow our whistle of joy..
Even if it makes the wrong choices...we have to respect the journey it took..
Cause there will come a time when life will teach the bird about right and wrong..
No matter if it is the hard way or the easy way...
It wont laugh..it won't cry if it doesn't want to...
Then what is the point of forcing it..??
Don't you feel that it is a torture to that person?
Don't blame the bird if it rebels...maybe it's our own mistakes after all...

Maybe and just maybe...we can't just focus on the the bird being a selfish angry bird
Who does not appreciate our love, care and hope...
Maybe..we should focus on the days that the bird makes us happy, sings us beautiful songs when we are sad,
A bird which brings us to the world of love that we have never felt before..
A bird which has bear the cage of our love cause it does not want to hurt our feelings..
A bird which has to sacrifice its own happiness, hopes and dreams to fly far away and do what it wants to do but it can't, because we lock it in our own big dark cage...
Remember, the world is not ours..
It has it reasons why it wants to go away...
That does not mean that it forgets our deed..
Maybe it just want to be free...to make her own choices, path and joy..
Be happy for it...at least...

Remember..there is always a bad side and a good side of a person.
Only a maksum is purely clean, good and sinless...
If you really love a friend...then embrace both of the good and bad side entirely and try to adapt.
Cause maybe..just maybe...she/he have embraced ours long time ago...

Thank you for the visit.

2011-01-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

Hellow Mellow..

I forgot to tell you that I a few of my uni classmates came for a visit yesterday and it was a too short but a nice one. I wanna say thanks for coming and sorry for not being able to bring you guys thoroughly around Kuantan and haven't really cook tasty dishes for you guys. =(.. So jiji, shahul, wanie,mau and salaam..thanks a lot for visiting this tiny old house. I'm embarrassed that the boys' room upstairs is a little bit small that u guys had to cramp in for the night.huhu..I admit that my house is very comfortable enough for my small family but not much space for many..huhu..you guys must be feeling uneasy with the small space but I hope it was still pleasant though..=)

And to jiji and wanie too, sorry that wanie had to sleep on the floor and that my room is messy as usual and quite cramp too..I hope u guys had a great time though chit chatting with my parents..ngehehehe...they really wished you guys could come again anytime in the future so that we all can have a lovely dinner or lunch somewhere nice in Kuantan..=)

I've been wanting to go to jiji's house but I guess that it will not be anytime soon since my parents are worried about me driving to dungun all the way as I'm not familiar with the traffic plus I'm not an experienced driver yet..been remembering the cendol and kropok lekor which jiji had mentioned they went for a small feast...wahh..so jealous...slurpp...

So that's all for tonight..I wish they had a wonderful Malaysia tour and get to box in lots and lots of new experiences throughout their journey..would love to do that too but probably with my husband?ehe..=p

my mood is better today..had a talk with faeez this afternoon and decided to apply fors job from other companies only after we've known the result for my interview and my status with petronas..we concluded that there are many solid reasons why we should wait until we get the result..will be writing about it probably in another distinct post..wish me all the best though..

Goodnight mwahss..

Days at home

2011-01-13T00:54:00.001+08:00

Hi.

So I have been staying at home with the almost similar routine everyday and happily announcing that I haven't really feel bored about it yet.I do sometimes feel lost a bit..but laying back at home,watching tv, movies and hanging out with my parents during the weekends are pretty enjoyable.Last week we went out for a family karaoke and we also watched the tourist. I enjoyed the movie, really..my thumbs up to it.

the tourist has a simple storyline and don't expect james bond actions but it was very entertaining.probably because there's johnny depp and the sexy jolie..(I still believe that she did plastic surgery cause she looked so effing different when she was young, bluerghh~~)..whatever the fuss though, she is amazingly still very alluring and a definitely good actress..so, it was fun for me!

And yeah..people are really worried about the official transcript release from Curtin to Pet and bla bla bla..which I am yes very worried too, but I'm too worried to give a damn about it. Not being a cocky or ignorant here, but really, the wait is up to the limit so I don't really care if it's out late or early.I really should be worried though, due to the fact that this determines my career and future. I am more in my own little worrying world. Haven't call HR or Curtin yet. I think I'm just gonna wait until everything is calmed down and when any updates are aired. A bit annoyed with people who's trying to advice or trying to'be the noble bridge' of these two parties cause hell yeah..this is not uni anymore, stop doing that. Personally, it is irritating, annoying and nauseating. And yes. I don't care what people think....not now.

Don't get me wrong..I'm terrified of my status and SI result. Being at home, I haven't apply for any job from any other companies yet. NONE AT ALL.And I am very sickly worried. I really want get on with some applications but the petronas result is bothering me. I thought that I want to wait for the result and only apply for other jobs if petronas releases me. Pray to Allah, I really pray to get accepted and recommended. But I guess time isn't waiting for me..Being a geologist, it's hard to get a job as a fresh graduates. And I know that my friends have been applying here and there. Allah will look at the effort too..so I should be applying jobs from other companies. It's a terrifying journey after graduating..especially when you wanna be a geologist.

But geology has make me who I am today.a person who looks at the world differently from you do..and I think I came to cherish God's creation more..a more adventurous, tough, independent and a creative person, at least in my own pace as an individual.InsyaAllah...

Writing this at this hour witnesses the instability of my emotions..I am indeed not emotionally stable but it's really hard to get all this feelings out, even when this is my blog, knowing that human being is judgmental has put in many restrictions to the way I actually want to say things out....

Oh My Yonghwa..

2011-01-01T14:19:00.001+08:00

I am crazy about YongSeo couple in the We Got Married episodes. I even think and feel that I am Seohyun and I'm not embarrassed about it at all.hahaa...the think is, I felt shy whenever Yonghwa stares at the camera and butterflies fill up my tummy when he smiles. And when that 'skinship' occurs,..BAMM!! I'm on cloud nine...for hours..weeeuww...a really meowishh feeling~~ ^_^

I think I am hallucinating at night more than dreaming..Just last night I dreamt that CnBLUE had a concert in my high school and I ( wearing the korean school uniform complete with the short skirts and the bow tie..) ran hysterically down the corridor to watch it. It's kinda weird that people are watching it in lines though but to put it as a dream, everything seems like a perfect setting.hehe..

And at the end of the concert, CNBLUE and suddenly there's SNSD Seohyun too passing by us and I managed to shout:

"Yonghwa Oppa, Good Job!"..and he replied it with a smile, a wink and a thumbs up gesture!

Until now, I feel completely in love and crazy at the same time. And nobody can take away that dream from me. I again feel it was completely real, logical and reasonable. =)

Geez.. YongSeo phenomena is a mental disease~

Football Fever

2010-12-30T15:34:00.000+08:00

With everybody celebrating the victory of the Tiger team winning the AFF Suzuki Cup, I somehow feel 'involved' in the whole process. My level of involvement is however very different from the other extreme supporters as my 'involvement' is deduced from the fact that I watched the whole match till the end for the very first time in my life. That, for me is a great achievement.hehehe..

Plus the fact that I never really like football. I even vowed to boycott it, hate it for destroying the quality times I should have with sayang when he has to go and play football. I even think that he should marry the ball himself due to the fact that he is so in love with the game. Plus, I don't see a tiny significant in football as it always seems weird to me that more than 15 people are chasing one round boring little ball and trying to kick it right into the goal. For these reasons, I have always preferred rugby. Rugby for me, is a true men's game..full with masculinity, strategies, speed and tactics. Intense and yet worth to watch. But then again, I guess the football match last night did attract me due tot he fact that Malaysia was going against Indonesia. This has the factor of patriotism going around so I decided to be involved.hehe...

My whole review on the football game based on last night match is:

Intense enough to give me a heart attack and full with the elements of suspense. In fact it is too suspense that It gives me a very uncomfortable feeling where I can't wait to know the final result. I screeched everytime our ball reached the opponents' goal and whenever Indonesia gets a penalty kick. It was a dramatic experience for me, and very operatic too. But luckily we won or else the screams and shouts my dad and I were doing will all gone to waste. Hahaha..it was funny really and of course enjoyable. But I really don't like the anticipation and the risk of being upset whenever the opponent scored a goal. Overall, I'll probably watch another game ( a good start) only if the team I am supporting is winning like last night...=) Well, that will save me the worries and tension..=)

Malaysia is definitely awesome to win the AFF Suzuki Cup and for the first time in my life I feel somehow 'absorbed' into the cheering and anticipation of the whole journey...Well done I must say and congratulations!

With the wining of Malaysia and with the ridiculous accusations Indonesians have thrown to us, I really think Malaysian should be very grateful to have a prosperous country. When I read the papers, 'hostility not hospitality' news in the NST it strikes me that they are a poor country with not enough food and facilities provided for the whole nation. I guess that's why they are always angry, threatening and attacking our players, even accusing that K-Gunalan is an import player. They were even boo-ing Rajagopal when he entered the field probably thinking that he is an import coach too. HAHA..Well, it's funny but Malaysians should be really thankful and grateful with the stability that we are having today.

Don't just oppose and disagree with everything without really thinking. There will never be a perfect government but at least I am thankful that this one has create policies which have brought me to where I am today. Be thankful, that's all we should do. Jangan terlalu mudah menuduh dan terlalu mudah mengkafirkan orang lain hanya dengan sedikit ilmu.

In Malaysia, this happens especially shown by the Punggung Koyak Rabak Party..menuduh itu dan ini kepada orang laen, kutuk sane, kutuk sini,making promises that they can't fulfill,...and yet, nothing happens. Only excuses are being made to save his butt of the jail..well, having a lawyer as a cousin gives me a real insight on the matter...but whatever it is, wallahuallam. Silaturrahim itu lebih penting kan..Just my 2 cents...

Cheers!! =)

One word and the rest of it..

2010-12-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

empathy..

what is the best way to express that? most people, at least me hate being sympathized. it's one way of telling people that, hey I can get through this without anyone's help. it's a way to protect ourselves I believe. Egoistic character which I again believe everybody actually have. It's a defense mechanism most people have, especially me.

this happens in life..and this will happen again and again. there are times when you will be empathized or vice versa. at this point, I will personally say that it is a term of saying that you care. And you hope that you can do something to mend it.It might not be big..it might just be a very small favour like getting you to smile again.

what do you do when a person care for you? do you block this person out, or do you treat them rudely. a standard 'scheme' is that you should treat this person the nicest way. But this does not apply to everybody. a person is nothing predictable. And everybody should at least get to understand that. Human being act in the most peculiar way and there is no specific pattern or trend for human behaviour. At least, that is what I believe.

this post might not be of any significant to anyone, but it is for me. As far as I know, I choose to care for a certain people..and I don't care for everybody and anybody. So isn't it a privilege when I care? Or is it just an annoying statement? this is probably just a hormonal fluctuation by the way.

Crazy-Amazingly-Funny-Night..^_^

2010-11-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

Alright, I know this looks and sound reaaaaallly crazy and preposterous..HAHAHHA..but me and my best buddy here jiji, promised each other to make some video recordings after exam. You know, it was like the 'I-want-to-effing- do-that-after-exam' oath we usually tell ourselves during exam weeks.hehehe...

The thing is, both of us love to crazily sing in our room ignoring the possibilities that we actually may sound like a 'whatever-loser' version. This is the one thing we do to relax and mandram~ ourselves in our little comfort zone..hahaa...

SO..these videos are really just to enjoy myself together with jiji..for the sake of our few final moments in Miri...=)

Here's jiji's favourite song which I basically ruined..hahahhaa~~~

Did I tell you guys that my friend here learned the guitar in just within a month!? Really talented..I wish she would go to a proper class during the holiday..so that we can have more of these..hahahaha..!! I would advice you guys to not watch it if you think it's going to be annoying..We were really just having fun..and it was indeed amazingly fun!!! ^_^. I will really be missing these moments..when we are all still uni students..=)

One Year Later: The Interview

2010-11-28T01:36:00.000+08:00

It has been one year.

I stopped blogging simply because I don't have the time to do so. So many things in mind and heart yet many are gone with memories. This year is an emotional turbulence and of hard core energy for me. Hard to describe it with words, even harder to describe the feelings. But for all that I have gone through, Alhamdulillah..Allah has been ultimately fair. And I pray that whatever comes next will be for the better.

So i finished my whole geology course last week. Again, alhamdulillah. The last paper was a crazy bumblebee and I doubt getting good grades for it.But I do still pray. My internal marks is kind of low to start with and to score high in the theory paper is like having a mild diarrhea. How I wish Dr. Dominique will give an extra marks for full attendance..HA ha..yeah right. Crossing fingers though.

I went for my interview this morning.I felt quite good right after I finished the session. I thought it was okay.But bittersweet feelings started to enriched by the end of the day. The worrying stomach twisting starts to haunt me. I suddenly feel I didn't perform that well. I feel like I was repeating things a lot and barely give any strong and distinct examples. The role play was frustrating too. I think I can do better. I should have done better! Or maybe I actually talk too much. Urghh..I dunno..T_T..

I want the job really bad though..but I keep on telling myself it's cool..God has better plans even if I fail this one..It is just the matter of believing that God knows better. But hey, I can't lie to myself that I crave working with Petronas..and if I have to sing a song on how much I want to be in..I'll seriously do it..It's simple rules really: You accept me as a scholar, now take me as an employee.Loyalty is never an issue for me..So hurry and give me that damn job I drooled. I wish it is as easy as that. I need more prayers..Luckily I have parents who never stops supporting all the way. And thank u to my honey boy who has been the shoulder to cry on everytime life sucks.

Results will come out by mid December. I hope my CWA will maintain and improve. Then I will know the result of my structured interview:recommended or released. Thinking positively is what I should do nowadays. But my worries are amplifying with minutes and hours. Whatever it is, good or no good, life goes on ain't it?

Ahh..it feels so nice to get to write again..I wish I have an iphone or a bb so that I can put more pictures of my life. And yeah..the fact that I ain't getting thinner and lovelier is heart wrenching too..aigoo~~ =(

I miss the time when life was simpler..now everything seems complex and are bound with motives..well, life is in fact a myriad of colours..

pen down.

Rest In Peace Ombie..T_T

2010-01-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

This is a sad entry.
I never wanted to write about it..this took me two days to really build up my mood and accept the fact that the beloved cat is now gone.
For almost a year, this cat had given us hope and shear joy, unconditional love which a human can only feel when they have a pure, truthful and sincere loving relationship with an animal.
This is the story of Ombie..our beloved cat.

It might be a ridiculous thing for non cat lovers. How do we fall in love this much?
Why do it shatters our heart when he died.
But for us, this is just like losing a dearest family member..and this has hit us hard emotionally.
The family of Megat Saad is now in grieve.
We lost Ombie a few days ago..and we actually kill him.

He was diagnosed by the vet last week that he was infected with a type of spora cause illness.
The doc said that it is a contagious disease to human being and he had to be quarantined.
My mum is the only person who can take care of him the week.
It was sad madness, we did not have the heart to actually quarantined him.He was meowing ad sticking out his hands whenever he sees us.
We were devastated. I couldn't even look at him without sobbering.
It was hard..for all of us.

He used to be our baby, the cat which brings the family together, which became our topic of discussion. Which became the one who was being cuddled and kissed like a baby.
Every morning, we would heard his raw meowwwingg as he came back from his night adventure asking for his food.

He was always hungry and asking for food.
He was a spoiled cat. WE loved to spoil him too.
He would intentionally roll his body on our feet to ask us to scratch his body, he loved to be pet and cuddled a lot.
He loved my brother the most. He would be the one who told everybody that my brother has arrived home from work with his male meowwing voice.
He would ask to be pet..ask to be kissed..asked to be spoiled.
He loved my mum..as she was the one who babysit him since he was just a few weeks old.
He loved me cause I always add up his food container.
He loved my dad cause he always cuddle him whenever he arrived home from work.

And yet..we put him to sleep cause that's the best thing for him.
Both the doctors we met said that he couldn't be cured. Even if he can, it would take months and maybe even a year.
My mum could not stand locking him up in the small cramp cage. We don't have the heart to.

He was never caged before. It broke our heart whenever he cried to be released. It was a hard time.
But we couldn't free him.The disease is contagious to human. He got it from mating with other stray cats, cause there's no other way he would get the disease. He was a clean Tomcat, he never missed his vaccination. We never see it was coming.

We couldn't risk our health. And we couldn't stand locking him.
The doctor suggested that we put him to sleep before he gets worst. We were being told that he could lose his nose and that his face would become ugly and full with painful scabs.
One of them even said that the clinic does not have any type of treatment which could cure him.
The doctor said, he would still have to be put to sleep then or later..

So we decided that it''s the best thing for him and for us.
We couldn't see him suffer more. We just can't.
My mum, my brother and I was there during the whole process. We cried and sobbed the whole way. I was heartbroken, it was painful..to kill a cat just like killing the person you love.

Even until now..we 're asking whether it is the right thing to do.
But my mum said it is the best thing for him.
Allah,..must have other plans for us. That's what we believe.
This is a painful moment for us.
We can't even forget the cat, Boleng which we had lost almost 3 years now. I don't know how long it's gonna take us to forget Ombie...

This is a pure love for another creature of God's creation...
Until now, I cannot look at his cage without still finding him.
I still hear his meowwing like he is here every morning.
I can still remember his homely smell..
I can still remember how healthy and cuddly he was, he was a big cat when he was still healthy..
I can still remember the way he slept on the bed..
I can still remember how happy he was when we scratched his body and stroked his furs..He would closed his eyes and his breath slowed and calmed..
It bleeds my heart..these memories..

Rest in peace Ombie..we love you.

A weird day

2010-01-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

why?

cause..today..

sy sgt2 la rindu mindu dengan encik boyfren. x taula nape asek mindu aje semenjak die busy nak exam ni..and it's nearer to our meeting of course..sbb die da nak balik..yeeehhaa..\\ ^_^ // !!
tp die balik kejap aje..tp x pela..Alhamdulillah..dpt juge jmpe same encik boyfren. ^_^

wah...wah..wah..sy sungguh gembira...rasa nak menari2 aje..hik hik hik

hari ini jugak, sy pg tgk avatar lg sekali...tp avatar 3D..jeng3..sorang2 cause everybody's at home is occupied.
my bro had to deal with his car prob while my parents sent ombie to clinic.

Ombie has a fungus infection and he has to be quarantined.wuu..According to the doc. he has to be quarantined until he is totally healthy. He says Ombie's condition is contagious which is worrying me a lot actually. Cause I'm afraid people in the house will get infected too..

Tp..doc kate, if rase ade demam2 and feel weak on the limb nodes dekat tgn cepat2 la pg doctor. Alhamdulillah rasanye xde lg yg ada symptom2 tu..

Alahai Ombie..nape la kene cmtu pulak. Before this Boleng pun x penah caket cmni. Ombie..he fights a lot with other Tom Cats. T_T..doc kate, might kene infection cause die gado with other cats which had the same disease. Ape2 pun..Ombie is now caged until he's back on his feet with daily medication. kesian Ombie..T_T..

Back to the avatar 3d story kan..wahhhhh...sy sgt suke la..^_^!! cam much better in 3D..and was really enjoying and loving it...weeehehe..rase nak bwk balik aje the 3d dolby digital spec tu..tp x boley..nanti kene charge RM150..huhu..

x saba nak tgk other coming soon 3d movies like shrek forever after and how to train your dragon =) but these movies will only come out on April and May..ala..encik boyfren x dpt tgk same la..huhu...kesian sy..dan kesian die..T_T...

lepas tu td pg beli softener. miss Shiseido tu ckp I look a lil bit slimmer than before.wahhh..kembang kencut aje rasenye dgr die ckp tu walaupun die x tau yg tu sume illusi optik aje semate2 cause I was wearing a black jeans...though I know the absolute truth, maseh sy gembira...hik hik hik.

Nantila miss shiseido, sy pg gym nanti next sem..baru balik kasi miss ternganga..hehehe...hopefully!!~

Ape2 pun..duet habes sprti biase..and..just knew that I have to buy the micro sd card for my gps which cause about rm5o-RM70 cmtu...wuuu..duit lg....siape nak blanje?? =(

Well...no worries la..deal with it later and make sure everything's okay...=)

C yaa...

p/s: Wonder why..hormones~ =p

Heart to mind private talk...

2010-01-08T22:46:00.000+08:00

I have always ask my loved ones about myself.

In truth, I cannot deny the insecurity I have about myself.
Everyone likes to be the apple of everybody.
I believe that everyone wants to be adored by everybody.
I believe that everybody dislike the fact that they are hated by some people.

Well..life is not a bed of roses. That's what we've heard lifelong. And that is of course, true.For the absolute truth is, you can't force everyone to like you.

Thus, I decided that I must stop seeing myself from other people point of view. It is in fact, makes you a miserable human being and in time, you will be out of love. Tis what I've determined to do so that I am able to do whatever I want to do without feeling trapped by people expectations.

Many times, I wonder why can't I like everybody.
I admit, I don't have an angelic heart.
I don't judge people, that's one thing I don't do.
But I am not very forgiving. And I regret that though but I can't help being so repulsive towards certain people who I just cannot deal with.

I reckon I'm a very weird person. I forgive.,but I'll never forget.
I usually like everyone I meet at first.
But it's all depends on the way the relationship is going to be.
The thing is, when I cannot seem to adapt to the peculiar way it's heading, I'll be feeling very awkward and uncomfortable..

When that happens, I usually distanced myself and shield myself in a pretty hard egg shell just to make sure that, this particular person will not disturb my serenity of life
And when that rule of mine is being threatened or broken..
I ended up retaliating and occasionally, I become pretty callous and cruel.
I am a pretty bad person huh..Do not follow me. ^_-

For I know I have done many great mistakes
And God knows how I hate myself for hurting people..
I hope to heal this manner..
I hope people will help me in healing it too..

There's one thing people don't know bout me is, I am very nice to people who are nice to me
I will respect people who respect me
I am very loving to people who loves me
And I am not so mean that I cannot go along with everybody
I have my best buddies and my long loyal friends..
And these people, they know how to be a real friends..

The don't compete with me in every single thing
They never try to show that they're better than me in every single thing
They never try to make me look bad in front of everyone.
They never cynically comment on every single thing I do or I wear, or even the colour of lipstick I'm wearing, or even about how expressive I am. For the truth is..I hate that sort of relationship.
They are honest human being..and honest friends.
You know when a person is honest with you..you can see it in them.

And with these lovely people..
We have fun..and we love each other presence
Cause we know each others weaknesses and strength
And we accept each other as they are..
And whatever happens..we are friends..and as friends, we stood up for each other
That is my dictionary of friends.
In truth..I don't meet friends like that anymore..I really hope I will.

I reckon, I have too high expectations about the world
World is never going to be what I want it to be
Hey..I bet other people might have grudge on me too..
After all..I am just a human being..I do all wrongs and hurt many hearts too.
I ask for ultimate forgiveness..
The best thing to do is to be forgiving..
Be nice to everybody..
Be loving and all cheerful..

Let's all be the person we want to be.
May Allah ease the path.=)

Women and their addiction:shopping

2010-01-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

Halo..halo...halo..

Silalah wahai encik dan cik melihat title di atas untuk mengetahui apakah topik hari ini.he he he..

It's shopping as always and I bet it's gonna be a very boring one for guys..hope not though.
Kerana anda perlula menyokong ekonomi negara dan menyokong emosi2 ini dgn penuh kasi syg..\^_^/...

Let me tell u bout my current hobby..
It's online shopping.

It's very addictive and dangerous to people who don't have much money to spend.LIKE ME =P
Well..it does not matter as I'm already a victim of severe addiction to this activity.
But I don't spend much really..I just bought a few shawls and inner shawls and hijabs and some beauty products and some shirts and..heee...=p

There's nothing wrong with that right?
After all, I'm buying things which I am supposed to wear everyday.
Since I am now collecting a handful of hijabs...I have to re-think about my decision to be a free hair~ don't be suprise I did have that in my mind.
Geez..don't be repulsive..I did say I am not a kind girl.
should be grateful that I am staying with the hijab okay..=)

I started involving by buying, a set of beauty products..to be exact: goat's milk soaps.

Yes..I am also obsessed with beauty products. \^_^/!!!
Not much to make ups cause, I don't really wear them as much since,... I have very early morning classes which of course is not very helping in nurturing me to be a make up person. heww..~
I will when I start working..hehe..that will obviously cause more headache to my boyfriend.hahaha..

So back to the beauty products obsession, I am in love with all those skin care products and technologies.
U can't blame a woman for that cause they help in a lot in getting that silky flawless skin every woman craves.

Body lotions, aroma therapies, body soaps, perfumes, hair products and the whole lot of women care accessories are my favorites.
Cause I use them and for me..they are very important.
I don't care if other people don't..I DO.
So yes,..I will be spending almost all my money indulging in it.
I love lotions and natural soaps, whatever natural body scrubs and what other craps..
And yes..I have faced many frustrating results too...and I also have regrets in this business.huhu..
You know..you can't win every time you battle..hehe..

But I still love them..no matter what my boyfriend says..I will keep on hunting for the best beauty products with the best price. wahahaha..~~
Tis just not for me..It's for the long life beautiful skin of mine, that he should be wishing I have even if I don't.=p
I still haven't got that smooth baby skin and that silky flawless complexion I want since ages. I still don't have that shiny black hair I dream since childhood..=p
Thus, I will always be hunting them, until my desires complete.~~

For silky flawless skin and shiny great hair!! =D

The problem is..MONEY. HUUUU...=(

Ayayaii...~

Apabila manusia berkata-kata.

2010-01-04T22:58:00.001+08:00

Recently, I posted a status saying that my boyfriend is coming home and I am not thin yet.

A friend of mine, msg me and tease me on that which is very fine and I am cool about it.
He then said, get married quickly.
Or at least get engaged first so that people will not be noisy about it again. That means, people will not say bad things about me being in a relationship and is coupling.

I don't know why but it struck my heart so hard that I feel a little bit angry and hateful when he said that.

Now, I am much cooler. And here, I would like to express a few things which I really believe that many people will absolutely not agree with me as this may seems not Islamic.
But to judge, whether I am as Islamic as others or to judge whether I am going to heaven or hell is not anybody's decision as it is just Allah's. I would first like to say, I am sorry.

I never say it is a right thing.
I never say it's right to be in a relationship for a long time.
In God's name I can't wait to be married and have a valid relationship by God.
But we're not rich families. And my family is not like yours. It takes many discussion to decide, many persuasion, many effort to make them understand that this little girl of them, their only girl is ready for a marriage.
My parents are not stupid. Do you think my parents want us to stay this way. They, above other people want us to be married. They just came back from performing Haj. I hate to be a sinful child to them for God sake.

Situations however take place. Plans only succeed with God's will.
And you with a bad mouth, is I hope, a really really good muslim to be saying bout other people as I know I am not as good as you. But I pray to God everyday for His blessings.

And marriage is not a playground. However, demi Allah we are working towards it.Don't just judge and say bad things. If you are as kind as you say, then pray for us.

I have seen more,
I have seen people who coupled, they even got busted and caught together, get dumped by the partner and now is a fine Muslim, jihad di jalan Allah. Does that makes this person a bad person?
Who are you to say things about this person.Are you God? People make mistakeS. Does that makes he/she a bad Muslim? If even he/she is, who are you to judge? Syurga, neraka hak Dia semata2.

I have seen, a very warak person, fell in love, is now in a relationship, and change dramatically to
also a fine person. And even say, now he/she knows how it feel to fall in love. Lumrah.Can we say he/she is a bad person. Are we God? Do we know his/ her amal ibadah?

Life is a wheel. I hope, everyone knows that.
Alim itu berilmu, gunalah ilmu. Budi bahasa.
If I have been talking bout u, then it's okay. The thing is, I don't give a damn about other people business. And I hope to stay this way.
x salah menegur..mengingatkan. menasihati. sy bukanlah manusia sombong yang tak nak dinasihati. semua org nak jadi baik. semua org nak dapat redha Allah.
jangan menyakiti.

siapalah sy nak nak berkata2 tentang agama.
sy sedar ilmu sy mmg x byk. mmg x layak nak becakap soal agama.
tp sy tetap dan masih seorang Muslim.
dan jika sy hina di pandangan mata kamu, terserah.
But I everyday pray, that sy x hina di sisi Allah. Itu cukup.

I don't need to say, to announce or to brag about our effort towards marriage.
Cause, I belive God knows.sesungguhnya, Dia Maha Mengetahui.
I also don't know whether he is my jodoh, whether we will last to eternity.
semua di tangan tuhan.And I am well known of that.
But I always pray.
InsyaAllah..Amin.

Forgive me God, if my frustration to my other brothers and sisters cause more heartaches.
For I am just a weak and a humble human being.

hari ini demam T_T

2010-01-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

As mentioned in the title above I am having a fever today

tp abah ckp x fever pun..tp sy rase fever jugak..so sy nak announce yg sy fever jugak.wuu

tp today dapat makan korean ramyun with my mom which was really good..yam yam..so I thought of buying the whole packet before going back to Miri.

jadi of course la ain't rally following the VM plan kan. huuu~
but I didn't take any rice today. Mummy made pecal this morning.I ate some caue my throat hurt so bad...~

this is the story of what initiated my fever.jeng3..it's really almost pathetic actually. Can't say how embarrass I am right now.T_T

I was eating a mouthful of Ikan Jacket.You know? Or commercially known as the cencaru. I called it Jacket fish cause it's the name given to the fish during my high school years.

I was savouring the fish on it's own SINCE I'm now the carbs hater ( yeah right~) so the fish is my protein supply. huhu..

while I was munching the terrific grilled fish...enjoying it as much as I can and I was eating quite fast obviously, I chocked the fish bone. It was a big one, really.!

It hurts like hell! And it stuck there in my throat for the whole night until several suicidal attempts was done to vomit it out.I can't sleep the whole night until about 4 in the morning. It was pure disaster and a hell lot of experience cause it cut my throat pretty badly. SO..I ended up having only one of my tonsil soaring and my throat is hurting heavily.

Did I mentioned to u guys that I have tonsillitis?
Well..I have tonsillitis~. And I had an acute one when I was small. Doctors are considering to take them out but I was too small and thin at that time that my mum didn't have the heart to let them do the surgery. I was of course..petrified!!

I can't eat too oily and too spicy food. I can't even have ice cream or too much ice even until now, that's why I am fond to plain water at most time.
If I take them more than my body can take, my tonsillitis will come back so harsh on me that I cannot take any food into my body as I'll be vomiting a lot.

My tonsillitis sickness gave a little bit strain to my family since a lot of money is being ventured for my well being. Well..back at that time, teachers' salary were ain't much. But things got better. Alhamdulillah..

Sometimes..I miss those time cause I was really thin back then due to the tonsil attack I had every month. I have been given tons of antibiotic. Don't mention all other medical remedy that my parents tried to put on me. There was sensei ( chinese herbs) medication, I remember there were blue and brown powder I had to take.Very bitter! Vitamins are of course my essential snacks back then. They come in all sort of colours and taste. And appetons..~

Finally, I get healthier after going through all of those and my dad started giving me Cod Liver Oil in yellow capsules. They smell really like raw fish. alhamdulillah..I started to gain pounds and become more healthy. As soon as I started putting on weight and my antibody became stronger, my dad gave me lots and lots of vitamin B and C. That was the reason why my appetite increase and I am now this chubby girl you seee..huuuuu~ T_T..

But I thank God..for everything.A min.

The think is..I have to take care of my health cause I don't have a proud antibody history to brag around. Well..need to focus on this and start working out..huuu..please give the strength to be a regular gym person next semester. Fighting!!

hope mlm ni dapat tido sbb my throat is still hurting and I don't feel very well..been sleeping the whole day.huuu...

VM Day 4: Forgiving

2009-12-29T22:09:00.000+08:00

okAy..brbbb...

today is my day 4 or 5 VM programme..I lost count!
as u know my VM refers to voluptuous program that I'm supposed to go through in order to achieve my dream body
yeah..the Kim's Kardashian body
It sounded as funny as it can be
But yup..I am goin' to do it baby..=p

Actually, I am supposed to update the marvelous progress of my VM everyday
But to be truthful..
there's nothing to be proud for, for the past two days
and yesterday was the worst progress..
Huwaaaaaaa T_T!!!

Well..today is better than yesterday
I had 4 spoons of rice cause I couldn't make two as planned! sigh*~
since my mum cooked ketam tempura yang really mouth watering and sgt enak dimakan..huuu
And I had some snacks this evening which I SHOULDN'T HAVE!!
Huwaaaa..no point regretting
All been said and done..~

there's one thing I should be able to stop doing which is no more munching snacks!
I really really have to cut junk foods alright
This is sad, not being able to restrain myself from the snacks.baddd girl...
And I have to blame my bro for this cause he brought back the Chacos this evening~
If I am able to stop taking much of those..I'm gonna rock the whole plan and really loose some pounds..hurmm

Luckily I'm not the gassy drinker..
I don't do carbonated drinks that much so I guess that will help me a lot..I hope~
But I love fruit juices and plain water..lots of them..
My dad says..it' actually the same since they're both sweet..=( ( carbonated drinks and peel fresh fruit juices)
I' m also not a fan of fast food.Well..I take them once in a while but I just don't savor them much
But my weakness is: plenty and plenty of rice..huuu
I am a Malay after all..
The point is: I love home made cooking..~

So yesterday....
I didn't take any rice at all
But I ended up destroying my diet with :
some 'cubits' of roti canai..at like 9 pm!!!
I know..it can't be forgiven!!
And a bowl of mee goreng..huuuu..sob..sob
Life is so sad nowadays
And NO working out whatsoever
I am DOOMED.

I need support
And I am definitely not feeling any healthier especially with my sleeping regime all tumbling over.
Why is it so hard to be hot and pretty..

Gosh..got to go now..
I'll be mumbling again later ya'll..

Voluptuous mission No 1

2009-12-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

Hello..Mellow..

Okay..today is the first day of my Voluptuous mission..
Not hard.
Not hard at all..
In fact I feel good..not extremely awesome good..you guys..~
But I don't feel the dizziness and the shaking that I usually feel whenever I'm hungry
Especially in Curtin, I experienced that a lot..
I can't stand a day without taking lots and lots of Carbs x_x
But today..I think I'm on my way..I'm on the beat ya'll * wink* =D
But..maybe sy x cukup exhausted to feel it yet..

I know..with all my heart that this is going to be hard and tough for me
But I want to do this
I'm on it.
And I want to prove it to my boyfie that I wanna be healthy
And voluptuous..he he he..
For him..I hope
InsyaAllah.

As a wrap,..today is a great motivation for my future voluptuous diet regime
I will call it my Vol. Mission= My VM
Tomorrow mummy is going to make me chicken soup and that's the only heavy meal I'm going to have throughout the day
Of course I'll munch and take some bites here and there
Tp..org kate..keep the progress slow, don't rush things
Nanti x kesampaian..=)

So..I'm thrilled to share my menu today with u guys
There's nothing to be proud of..It's not even as healthy as it is supposed to be
Tp..It's for me a real achievement..though it's tiny..it's cute.=p
I will improve and keep it up for sure.

Tp..sy belum beli weighing scale!!
Which is the most important thing to do according to a dear friend if nak diet-diet ni..
Nanti sy beli ek..wehehehh..
sgt sonok sbb sy bjaye mkn 2 spoons of rice aje today..wahhh..so happy!!=)

Cut out the crap..so these are the food I consumed the whole day: ( hik hik hik)

breakfast:

None sbb sy mangun lmbat..=p

Lunch:

2 table spoons of rice
Sambal tempoyak mummy yang awesome tu
Ayam Panggang killer mummy sy =)
Sambal sotong
Mushrooms

Luch 2: Huhu

Location: Sushi King

1 cup of Green tea
3 slices of sushi

Tea:

Rotiboy: 1
Teh tarik: small cup

Dinner:

Seketul ayam panggang sahaje kay..=p~

Walaupun xdela membanggekan sgt kan tp this is considered very modest consumption tau utk sy..
ngeh3..

okay..nak titon da kot
Maybe he's online already =)

Wish me luck!
Have a slumber sleep..

Hari ini saya buat ape..?

2009-12-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

Hello..hello..night..

Hari ini saya buat ape..
Slept late last night..
So definitely I was awake very late..
Cannot mention pkol brape cause..embarrassing..he he he..
I mean..my mum always said that sy anak dara yang sunnguh tidak sopan kerana bangun lmbat..
Minta Maaf mak..huuu

Every single day that I woke up late
She'll say that the crows have been passing our house to and fro since early morning
And..I am not yet awake..
That means..its very very very bad of me..

tp xpela..dah immune kot..
lgpun cuti..kat uni nanti..my classes start at 8 cmtu..
So..I really want all these sleeps..hehehe..
tp sometimes sy bangun awal tau..=p

today..the whole family went to help my future sister in law moving into her new house
It's in Taman Inderapura..dekat sikit dgn UMP ( her work place..she's a lecturer)
So..my brother will be moving into the house when they're married InsyAllah this coming February..

sepatutnya..we'll be doing a hantaran each night
but tonight my parents are so tired they're already asleep

I forgot to mention that we're doing my bro's wedding gifts ourselves..aren't I??
And I really have great fun doing them with my mum..
So far..we have finish 2 gifts..
They're solely our creative products..=)
I can't put the pictures in here yet cause I'll leak all the surprises for the wedding later on..
But I will definitely upload them after the wedding..alright?

I'm on facebook..
See you guys later..
MMMuahh..sleep in slumber..~ =*

the voluptuous

2009-12-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

hye..

saya rasa saya sgt chubby..
been mentioned it all along kan to u guys..
well..actually chubby is a soft word for being fat..right
xpe..sy pun kesian kat diri sendiri
but mummy ckp..without effort, nothing will be accomplished..
so..in conclusion. her meaning is..sy x cukup effort la dlm berdiet ni
tp..sy sebenarnya sgt bersemangat if other people push me and lead me hard..
in that case..
some people refer it as being spoiled..
tp..maybe org yang xde masalah gemuk ni..x tau kot..x faham..
the feel of wanting to be called beautiful and pretty..at least in the eyes of my loved ones..
hurmm..

in real, I adore Kim Kardashian's body..
okay..I know that sounds really over the top and cam sgt pelik..
tp sy rase Kim Kardashian body is my dream body..
cause..she is so voluptuous and darn sexy..
and she does not do any implant for all of it..
all of the big big things..are natural and so so original..=)
Cause..I know I can't be skinny..and..
even if I'm given a few hundred years more..I know that I will never be thin like a stick..
Cause..u see my genetic is all over biggie..

I don't mind being big..
In fact..I like big eyes..big mouth..big boobs and big butt..
he he he..
There's nothing to lose being big..
But I don't wanna be fat..
Cause It's unhealthy..I don't want to get sick in my early 40's

People can still look so hot by being big u know..
just look at Kim Karshadian..she's definitely not skinny
Look at Mariah Carey
And look at that damn hot Beyonce
She's smokin' hot..but she's not thin..

I wish I am thin..I really do..
But I don't see how that is possible
So what I can do now is not to fret about being big size..
But indeed, work on my extra fat..
It's really bad for my health

But I need that support..
The real support..
You just know it you know.. when people seem to be very supportive but doesn't really care..
Thus I need the full support, especially, from all my loved ones ..
I think my lovely boyfie will be the best supporter..I hope he is
And my mum..she is going to start my diet regime InsyaAllah by tomorrow..
Where I'll be cutting carbs and adding more protein
It's gonna be hard for me..I think it's really going to be very hard..
Cause I adore and love rice so much..I don't really like bread..

So this will be a definite challenge for me
But I want to be healthy and beautiful..
A t least..this is for the people I love..
Amin..

Fighting!!=D To the Voluptuous Putri!! \^_^/

Que sera sera

2009-12-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

Life is full of wonderful journeys..

And I am of my own.

I can't get enough seeing wonders in life. I don't see them everyday, but when it happens you just know it.

I had one of it a few years back. It was a really amazing and the most wonderful journey of my life. All the sheer joy and pain mix like a strawberry milkshake.
It's just sweeter and richer in taste as time goes by.
The journey I took was even greater each day.
But, It ended somehow..

Well..I don't know who to blame on.
I guess it's mine to keep. I have always think it's me.
Some people say, wonderful journeys do not last long. No matter how much you want it to be.
Maybe it's my time now..and I can't turn back time either.
That hurts the most.

Maybe I don't have much faith in the journey I took.
I didn't walk it alone.
My mum says, it's supposed to be walked together.
And with some help too.
Well, nothing could be done now.
He might have just started a new beautiful journey.
And I should have started my own too.

Maybe I can't. Maye I don't see how to start a new one.
It doesn't make any sense, the junction I am looking at.
It's full of dying grasses and rotten flowers.
There's no green along it.
I am afraid to take this new road.
I am so used to the path I took for my journey last time.
I can still smell the fresh minty wild flowers along the horizon.
I picked up the smell of some lemon grass along the way too.
Whenever I breathe, the dew, fresh sweet air filled up my nostrils.
Telling me I was right where I belong.
I was home.
I know it from the tender warmth I felt.
No matter how hard the wind blows, it was warm to me.

But I don't belong there anymore.

I guess..the sadness just blends in, allowing me to accept that it's gone.

And the daunting junction ahead is never going to bring me a wonderful journey.

the hole my heart carries...

2009-12-20T02:27:00.000+08:00

It hurts everytime I listen to this song.
Maybe I feel the pain.
Maybe I overrated.
Maybe you can say anything about what I'm feeling.
Maybe you can guess what it is.
Maybe I have seen what you haven't seen.
Maybe I have felt what you have never felt.
It doesn't matter.

Somehow I feel the pain it carries whenever I listen to this song. It's a song by Kelly Clarkson.

Already Gone.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

It's unfair how a woman loves a man...

2009-12-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

It's unfair how a woman loves a man

A man fell in love when his lady is as curvy as the sand clock
A man feels in love in love when beautiful women start to flock
A man notices beauty when he sees beautiful flawless skin
A man starts to feel ugly when his lady starts to sag
A man thinks that his lady isn't beautiful when she starts to have cellulite

A man is easily disgusts with a few pounds of fat around his partner's belly
A man starts to say euwww when he feels there's lack of smoothness under his palms..
A man says that a woman is ugly when she's fat
A man says, a woman is ugly when her skin is stretched due to child birth
A man thinks that his lady is not hot enough when she has big thighs
A man thinks that his partner is old when she starts having white hair..
A man feels old when he sees wrinkles on his partner's face
A man grumbles about so many things of his wife which takes care of him in the most lovable way

A woman is still in love even when his husband's belly is a big as the 9 months pregnant lady
A woman , when she sees wrinkle on his husband face feels proud that she gets to spend her entire life with the only man she loves..
A woman is so happy when her husband say thank you for delivering beautiful babies of his own seeds
A woman is always in love even when her husband farts loudly at night

A woman, never see the roughness and the musky smell of her husband's skin as a weakness
In fact she indulges with that smell till she can't sleep alone at night without her husband's smell
A woman is proud to say that her husband loves her even when she can't afford to keep herself beautiful at all time
A woman feels so in love when her husband say just a simple word of thank you when she tries to provide her best
A woman thinks that his husband's voice as her most beautiful lullaby
A woman loves the way her husband smile and the way he breathe calmly while he sleeps
A woman just want to be loved at all time
Even when she can't be a doll at all time..
Even when she can't manage to put some make up on her face to light up her pale cheek
Even when she can't maintain her figure as she bred his seed to this world
A woman just want to be appreciated
But her love is always being compared to each small details that her husband sees..

But a man..
Sees..a marilyn monroe to warm his bed
A man doesn't care if he is not even Elvis Presley
He doesn't care if he's not perfect
He cares that this woman that lies with him every single night and taking care of him every single minute of his life is as pretty as marilyn monroe..
Or his other beauty queen..a barbie doll he desires.

It's sad this world I'm living in..
Will I get that love I hope for..
The sincere love..of pure faith and true love

Or I might just end up with another story of the sad marilyn monroe.

2009-12-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

Dear all..

Alhamdulillah..today is the new year for muslims..we are again blessed.

However, today I'm a little bit down..

rasenye my weight is pumping up like a big air balloon filling it's air..
I'm so down..I mean,.yes it' my fault that I don't exercise and control my daily meal..

But I'm home..and it's hard to do that..
my feet are feeling the burdening weight already..the heels start to hurt whenever I do a long walk..
and it's frustrating..

I really want to do exercising but I guess there's not enough will to do that..
Ahhh...mcm benci diri sendiri..and keep on hating without doing anything is so stupid of me..
Still..nothing is done..

Sure my boyfie gasps tgk I yang really big nanti..
X sanggup nak tgk his small eyes widening with sadness, shocked, frustration??
Owh..I feel like crying already..sure syg ckp "apesal la besar n gemuk sgt girl aku ni.."

which is going to be embarrassing for me and maybe to him when his friends' girlfriends are much more prettier than me..all solid and molid cam model. whereas I'm like a big fat bear...waaaaaaaa!!

ni belum kawin lg..!!!
I mean..yes..merungut without putting any effort is the stupidest thing to do but try to undertsand my situation.
I'm at home.
And there's no other place better than home.
I don't eat much in Curtin also but I still putting on weight.
I just don't understand.
I guess maybe cause I don't do sports.
And now..I'm paying for it.=(

Ni belum keluar babies yang mungkin comel2 lg..
Time tu what will he sees of me?
A big fat mama bear?
Will he still love me?
Will he love me when I am as ugly as the croak like when I was as beautiful as the maiden?
Will he..

It's unfair how a woman love a man..

misses missy miss

2009-12-12T12:00:00.000+08:00

Hello..

Today I was awake quite early.
My biological clock is getting better nowadays.
I am usually exhauted by 2 am thus I 'll be already asleep by 3 am..around that hour.
But I usually sleep without talking with my boyfie first. Not anymore.
He's busy he said..preparing for the finals.
And he said I'm not being considerate enough. He said I don't understand his hectic life there.
Well..I supposed it's true since he has a very hard life there. Well..living with the nazis and all..

Whatever...
I hope that will help my restlessness..

So..I haven't transfer the money for Gps yet..maybe I'll do it on monday.
It's a lot safer doing it during working days.
It's a lot of money u know..

The Megat's family will be busy preparing for my big bro's wedding thiS coming February.
Everyone's invited.=)
My mum says that she would want to do some of the wedding gifts herself. I would love to help.
It's thrilling.

I am not bored at home.
But I am feeling a little bit empty and sad..
I don't know why....

Good day..

Me and You and the people on Earth

2009-12-11T02:33:00.000+08:00

A frustration call which is about to explode here with each rhythm of my fingers on the keypad.

He plays like it is only that moment he lives life.
He plays as if the game take his breath away.
He sees the sphere ball as if that is his strength.
He controls it as if he is the master of them all.
He sees it as his passion, his absolute fame and his soul

He doesn't need that to impress me.
He doesn't need his amazing stories to make me fall in love.
He just need to be there.
There for me.

He says money is almost everything.
He says money comes with wisdom and plans. Good plans.
He says, money comes with endless effort.
I agree.
I never say he is wrong.
His pride is mine I sip and nip
His effort, passion and mind amazed me deep.

He says he does that for me and him.
So that like he says, my dream is going to come true.
So I won't be talking about the tie anymore.
The tie that no man dare to face.
Until only when the right time comes.
So he is doing this for me, my sake.

Not that I dislike it.
Not that I envy it.
Not that I look down on it.
Not that I hate it.

But this things he does
Bring him further away from me.
This things he does
Fool him away from his actual path.
The path he is in oath to finish and return.
To me.

Now he is tired.
So he does not want me..
He wants sleep.
And rest.

So where does that put me?
A trophy he grabs when he finishes all his challenges?
Where should I stand.
His heart or his mind?
Or maybe I shouldn't have stand anywhere.
Maybe I just need to wait.
For answers?

He should know, I am here.
Whatever it takes.
Cause I had tied that ribbon down the old oak tree.
That yellow ribbon.
Or whatever shades he wants it to be.

He must know
That other people on Earth might not see his beauty like I do.
Cause I am not one of the people on Earth

He said once
I was from the moon
Shines like beauty that makes him smile
Dazed him like stars
But now, I am back on earth.
An ordinary earth people just like any other

And he is also back with the other people on Earth.
He does not gaze at me anymore.
That moon he was in love with has fallen down to earth, destroyed.

A one happy family, finally =)

2009-12-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, praises to the mighty Lord that my parents are now back home safely.

I remember the moments we're waiting for them to appear from the arrival hall exit, I was so thrilled and excited. There were many families been waiting and we were among of those counting each faces and heads that appear from the exit door.

The moment I saw my parents, I was jumping and waving happily. I still remember the tears I had in my eyes when I hug them both. I can't even last a month being away from them. Ohh..I miss them so..

Mummy did not buy lots of things or souvenirs from Makkah and Madinah. she did bought me some abayas and nice robes. I love them all. She also bought me one henna box both for hair and nails. I am truly happy. We both lover to draw ourselves with those. Hehe..

And dad bought some souvenirs for the family. All uncles and aunties got a Kopiah, tasbih and a few other small things. And of course, dates and pistachios are the common thing that people love to bring back. But no chocolates this time. Huhu..

He did mention that he bought something for my sayang, guess he will have it if he comes on January.hehe..

The whole journey back home, they were telling me terrific and amazing stories about Makkah and Madinah. I know I want to go for Haj and I hope Allah will clean my heart and accept me on his magnificent land of Tanah Haram.

My mum misses our cats so much. She dreamt that Ombi's hair become all white and he looks so old that mum thought he died due to the yearning of her. In fact, Ombi did not really remember her when we arrived home and she was really upset.

Ombi seems to get his memory back so he's now happily wagging his bushy tail around the house. Mum is so happy..

I am pretty tired now..

I've checked my results and alhamdulillah, I've passed the CM. However, I'm really not happy wit the results as I got really low marks for Geochemistry and Remote Sensing.

I guess I did not study hard enough. I should have done better. Huu..Regret, but things are all said and done..Have to learn from mistakes which I have been doing every semester.=(

What I really want to do now is to talk to my boyfie, miss him so much. Can't wait to listen to his voice again.

Goodnight world.. May your dreams are like sapphire..

Klang, here I come..

2009-12-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Halu..

I'm heading to Klang tomorrow by bus departing at 5.30 from kuantan.

But I haven't pack and still wondering what to do for a day in my aunt's house. I'm not very good with mature type conversations alright. And well..I don't want to tell too much to my aunt cause words spread. Learned and seen it from my cousins..

Misinterpretation and misunderstanding usually occur. Can't really blame the elderly cause they might not understand this world we're living nowadays where teens are more outspoken and outgoing.

so I better put everything academically discussed. =)

So..I will be not in touch with my boyfie for a few days. Dreadful, I know. But he's being busy too.
With his business and the game where they play it with a ball, and you're supposed to chase the ball and kick it into a goal.

Then you be happy..okay, they have kinda skills I guess that they're really proud with. I don't really understand the significance of each enthusiasm for the game, but as long as he's happy.

You see..the things I do for love..huhu..

I think the house is quite in a good condition. I better impress my parents cause I have a lot of things I wanna buy. And yes, I don't have money of my own..huuu..

Just a few things left with the kitchen and the living room. Other' are great. I've mop the floor and everything. Things should be fine. =)

See you again..will be writing the moment I get back home. Kisses!!

And yet you call yourself a leader.

2009-12-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

Okay, this really arise many questions in my small brain.

I know this is a whatever you may say an emotional call but I really think this is one worth thing to write here.

how can an educated person tell the whole country to pray for another person to be punished with calamity? you are a leader..an Islamic leader and yet you announce to the whole country to pray for calamity for another person. you say you are doing dakwah ???

I thought, a good person, an educated person, the one respected, the one who truly has knowledge in Islam should be praying for good things even if that person is knows to be a bad person. I thought when people make mistakes we pray that he is given a good heart, he is forgiven by Allah for his sins, he is shown to the right path. And yet, you call your country to pray for bad things for other people. How can you be an idol?

Maybe I am not, and I am never is the right person to talk about you since you will always be a better human being compared to me in values, virtues, Iman or pahala. But from my conscience and what I have learned, it is not the right thing to do.

That's why politics shouldn't be mix up with Islam unless you are Rasulullah s.a.w. cause you might turn up being obsessed with power. When you can't rule and you don't want other people to rule, you start forgetting your main true objective to your religion and country. Whereas, Islam has it's truthful way of doing politics, where you must have learned. You are in fact a respectable person as what all have been told.

Wallahualam...

Mommy and Poppy are coming home..yayyy!!

2009-12-05T00:23:00.000+08:00

Dear world..

my parents are coming home from haj on the 7th so they will InsyaAllah be arriving on the 8th which is great. I can't wait cause I miss them so..huhu..

they both say they are fine there but they say it's usual to have cough and flu. People say it's in the haj package. I hope they arrive here safely cause I can't wait to let go of this tough independent girl character and I want to get back to the baby girl being of the family. Miss my mum cooking so much and miss gossiping with her on the bed with my dad's always trying to peek in. hehe..

Nothing much happen today. It's just that I think I have insomnia cause I didn't sleep last night for the whole night and ended up sleeping the whole day. This is not a good sign and I really hate it.

But I can't start living healthy since every night is the only time that I get to spend with my boyfie through the ym. But I know I'm gaining weight and my skin is getting duller each day with this kind of lifestyle. I don't know what to do..=(

I don't want to be seen all round and dull when I meet my boyfie this coming January but I don't know. This ugliness feeling is killing me..it's hard this life I'm living in..And everytime he says I look okay and I am still beautiful to him, I am happy but I just don't know whether he's trying to make me feel better or he's truly is honest.

I know I made him feel not trusted everytime I put on this issue, but I can't handle it very well. You see.. I was never this hot girl at school, so I always feel very ugly, fat and undeserved. It's mental..I know..It's hard, always hard when u want to look pretty but fail each time.

Good night for a sad night...

it's YES but my heart is saying NO...

2009-12-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

Dude..the scholar money is in. Alhamdulillah...well..I'm grateful..but honestly I'm having a very terrible heart ache inside.

it's solely because the field trip money is not in yet!!..I know, there's nothing so lame other then this statement.

But you have to understand, it's a whole lot of SALE season here. I am not an addict shopper okay..seriously!! but I can't stand not buying the things I've aimed for almost a year.huwaaa...I'm seriously not in well state of a human being. I need to shop, it is a good therapy right now.

I have to find a way to buy that stuff I'm aiming. It's been a long year and I need a whole lot of motivation..I need that field trip money I spent cause it's a big sum of money dear..

Okay..I need to take a deep breath and try to relax here..nighty...

new moon and new me

2009-12-02T01:28:00.000+08:00

Hye..

So..I've finally watched new moon. T'was girls night out, went watching it with my neighbours and my future sister in law..

i don't have much to say about this movie..cause it awed me through..all the way. seeing edward bring the butterflies all over my body..seeing jacob makes me hate myself for the fact that he takes my breath away.( Hey..I'm supposed to be team edward alright..I still am).. but yeah, jacob black ( Taylor Lautner) really twist this tummy a little..those six packs and his tattoo. Gosh, he really has nice abs..

Talking about this abs thingie,.. I adore nice abs.. but they are not the main thing that I look for in a guy..I mean, having too nice abs sometimes is not going to be the main attraction at all...cause having a body too muscular and bulging all over with muscles which look like they were been drenched with oil is absolutely not alluring..it's 'euwwwing' to me.

I think new moon was awesome. Well we cannot compare it with magnificent movies like transformers or a few others cause basically it is a different genre. But this is the only one vampire love story that I will say amazing even if people say it's not.

Cause I read all the four books and I agree that there are some parts in the two movies that I felt a bit frustrating cause the book is obviously more descriptive and closer to how the characters are supposed to be but still, I love it and I will love all the movies of the twilight saga.

I love rob cause he brings the edward's brooding way really great that he melts my heart into jelly. I like seeing the paleness and the red lips ( I wonder which lipstick they put on him). He looks so vampire-ly handsome.

I have this very mysterious kind of obsession with Edward. His body..his hair..his stare..ohh..everything!!! The way he memorizes romeo and juliet lines and the way he speaks to Bella is very loving and soft.

Rob did a great job showing how Bella is like a drug to him. The way he smells Bella's hair, the way he kisses, is like he breathe her breath and the smell of her hair: that is his life.

I adore the way Stephanie Mayer describe him..the perfectness, the love, the need for each other is transparent. The obsession of Bella towards Edward, it's what's real. Some people don't feel that I guess. All the books make me feel in love just by reading them.

Though it's a fairy tale love but she makes every girl in the world craves for that kind of love.
And still..life is no fairy tale.

And Jacob..he's hot. A hottie. I agree.Definitely.
He has this cute temper since he's a werewolf..but very gentle at the same time. A hot, muscular, cute werewolf. For me, his werewolf body is cuddly. I always have this 'thing' for furs you know. I love furs. He's a warmer anytime if I'm cold..=p But I can't adore him more than Edward..I'm not supposed too. I'm loyal..I hope.

And I always wonder when am I going to feel like Isabella Swan.I obviously cannot be her. So, feeling like her is already the best thing that I can accomplish. Feeling like being love to death and being a drug someone. That's an achievement you know.
But, I guess it's all meaningless dream..

Even now..I don't think I'm even a Panadol to the man I love. Whereas he's already my marijuana. I am afraid that someday I'm just going to be his 'mentos' or 'smarties' which he can decide to have or to hate anytime he wants. Maybe when he thinks it's bad for his gum and teeth, I might even not be his 'mentos' or smarties anymore. Just plain sweets..

...

Nighty world...

time is priceless..so does my desire..=p

2009-11-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

hye hye hye..

I want to share something really awesome today. I went out with my big bro to the ECM to watch ninja assassin. the movie was okay..not as great as I expected but worth the penny. rain is the hero and he is absolutely as hot as he always is...spiceyyy..!! his six packs are the real winner I can say..even my big bro handed over his praises to rain's body. but somehow his eyes are very small or 'sepet' to be exact..well, I still think he's cute no matter what..

alright..but that is not the highlight of the day!!

the most amazing thing is:

I found a watch which i really really fell in love with and I reaaaalllllyyy reaaallly want to have it. You know, I have problems in making decisions about buying anything but not this watch. I am 100% sure that I love this watch and I want to make it mine.It's the only one in the shop. I don't have problems in falling in love with it at all! And I absolutely love it, dream it, desire it, want it badly...

the problem is...it is not in my budget range..!!! ='(

BUT..my big bro has offer me, a some of money, which will allow me to buy the watch. So I was like a blooming flower when he told me that. So, I hurriedly arrange my steps to the nearest atm. It's 29th today so I was really confident that mh scholar money is in.

But again..(damn you Petronas) the scholar money is not in yet. aND There goes the offer from my bro. I mean he didn't t say he will not give it but he's going for outstation next week. Can you imagine if he appears to forget his offer that he made to me just now??? Who's gonna give me that extra RM150 to add in my budget..huuu..this is disastrous. =(

the thing is..the shop is on a big sale for a month and is giving around 15-20% sale price. and that doesn't count the "hijack" that my bro is willing to perform on the owner uncle since he already bought a few watches there for his coming wedding. so I was imagining a really good bargain there..

my boyfie did mention that he is going to accompany me to Pertama complex to buy watches there. he says it's gonna be a good bargain. but my bro says the price is actually the same. how much less would they give if they even want to cut down the prices. it will be around the same thing. plus, he knows the owner so he can bargain a little bit more, maybe get some free souvenirs?

I don't care..I love the watch and I think I'm going to buy it cause it's really nice. but if I don't get that extra money I need..I don't know what to do..='(. I don't wanna ask from my mum..she has a lot of other things to cater..huhu...

so there goes the story of my lovely watch and me..~ I hope I will have a happy ending with the watch..

nighty nighty...

Hey kitty kitty kitty

2009-11-29T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hye again..

I always do this..writing many posts in one time cause I know I'll take many many days of gaps till I write a new one. Since I am having this mood now, so I want to share about my cats.

It sound pretty boring right..but these cats are the only siblings I have.the cats I cuddle and chase around the house. The ones been sleeping with me almost every night. And the ones meowwwinggg ( Ombie sounds really gatal with his meowing, and yes he's a tomcat) finding me when I'm not around.

Lala:

She is a Queen.
A sick kitten when we first took her. Very aggressive, fierce blue eyed siamese breed kitten.
She's always very scared till now. Doesn't like strangers at all so if in case anyone other than the family is in the house, she will not be passing by the person.Don't take heart.=p
She's a great mother though. she just had one giving birth experience with my mum by her side.mummy was her 'bidan' la.. right at that time.

But she manage to pull it off at just a 6 months age. the vet however strongly disagree that mum decided to keep the baby since she's too young. underage. but we didn't have heart to discharge the babies either so we just put all faith in her.

mum couldn't pet all of her babies however. we already have two cats eating lavishly and have all the love on the world under their feet. we are not able to take care of her babies at the same time since mum and dad are both working. her babies will not be well taken care if we decided to keep them.

so..mum finally gave them to her friends who each is eligibly qualified to pet a kitten at home. her kitten are all very cute though thus there's no problem in commercializing them. hehe. and now, Lala is lying next to me bathing herself happily. I guess she has no regrets.

Lala worst habit:

Lala is still a baby. she still thinks she is breast feed by her mum. we think that this is due to her mom's death at a very little age. so every night she will climb on me and find any available exposed flesh for her to suck on. I know this sounds pretty weird but this is it what I'm facing night while I sleeps. when my mum's around she will fortunately go to my mum.

I don't mind she sucks on my skin but she has this hand motion of kitten milked by her mum. It is like this pumping, massaging hand motion with her nails tickling you. I don't know how to explain this but it is really very giggling. I will wake up in my dreams laughing everytime she does that. And yes,..she really sucks for real. I will find out that my hands are all wet from her sucking and have to wash them.

My hands are usually her victim ( I don't know, maybe my hands look like her mum's nipple?)..huhu...That's gross ..~ But looking at her doing that is actually very cute and I pitied her more. She has grown without a mother after all and she gave all her destiny to God and HE who has brings her to us. She has been raised in the hands of four human beings who know nothing about how A Queen raised her kittens.

Ombie:

He's a Tom cat.
Very 'manja' baby like Tom cat. He is the jewel in the family. Everybody loves him. He weighs 3 kg at the age of 7 months.He's huge. But now he has lost some weight. Still, he eats a lot.
Meoowwinggg all the way with his Eduardo playboy Tomcat character finding me asking for a fresh treat. I love to kiss and cuddle him. He smells home. When I smell him..I smell family.

There's nothing much to talk about Ombi..he's just adorable, charming cat. He's actually not that a player Tom cat in the neighborhood. He is actually a coward Tomcat when he faces bigger Tom cats. He'll run back home meowwing sadly finding my mum with a few cuts. And when he fell into the drains, he will come home smelling very bad and we'll hear my mum scolding like he's a little naughty child.

Both of them are afraid of hair dryer which they will have as a treat everytime they have their shower monthly. They hate it, but it's the fun time for the family..=)

See u soon...nighty...

the haunted house

2009-11-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

it has been a looooonggg loooonnggg time since I last write something here..

so..hallo world.=)

OKAY..now I'm on holiday..and it will be about 3 months at home IF I don't have to go back early and take any subs ( well, this is a 'term' where most Curtin students might know very well). God, please have mercy on me and let me pass all the papers and NO CM please..huhu.

I am basically at home, merely alone at most time since my big brother is working very diligently everyday. So, the house is all on me and yes it's now very messy.hik hik. But I have this kinda oath that I have established (around last week) which is to shine the house before my parents get back. My parents are now in Makkah doing haj and I miss them really bad.=( can't wait for them to come back so I'm actually going to fetch them at the airport on the 8th.I guess I will be spending a few nights in my aunt's house in Klang.

I guess I'm talk about holiday now.

early start of this holiday witnesses me being a monstrous creature. why is that? because, I have been waking up very late everyday sometimes nearly late afternoon which I am not proud of myself at all. my eyes are all puffy and seems like being touched up with black eye shadows all over: in short I now have scary black shadowy colour of eye bags.

i hate them.i really do. but I seem not to have the urge to wake up early, be a good daughter, clean the house yet.

I will..but not not around these few days. But I will.I promise.heheee..

i have also been cooking mostly chicken soup because it's easy, healthy, have generous taste and cause I only have those ingredients at home. I went to carrefour a few times to look at groceries but ending buying the same ingredients for chicken soup. I wonder why, but I really don't know. I guess I have this mania for chicken soup now days since I watched KBSW documentary about chickens. And my boyfie says I need a lot of protein to keep me 'fit' so I guess chickens are now cool.

well..of OF COURSE I have been putting up weight. dude..it's this haunted house of mine.everything seems so tasty and mysteriously delicious.I can't grip myself from taking a few bites.

and yeah...I'm now the official owner of my two cats. Combie and Lala.
Lala is (I guess) pregnant since she's been quite fluffy now days. But ombie is losing weight, cause he had lose 400 grams ( based on the vet).Hey, I'm going to talk more about them in another post okay. But, I think I can make a great mummy since I have been managing my cats' poo poo a lot these days like throwing their poo poo sand and make sure they all have enough food and water every hour. Good job! ClapX3 =D

Holidays are also the best time for me to upgrade my driving skills which is very bad. I have been very close to suicide every time I drive my mum's car. I even scratch the gate!! geez..wait till my parents arrive.but they love me..so It'll be okay I guess. wink*

This is too long...
for now..bubbyee..will c u very soon.

a batu life..

2009-10-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

hello world..*sigh..

guess what I'm doing and where I am ??

Dude..I'm still in campus and it is almost midnight.I'm doing my GIS(gEOLOGICAL iNFORMATION sYSTEM)..i'm terribly tired and exhausted but time is so precious that I don't want to neglect any second on other things except my assignments. seem like a diligent uni student isn't it??
But still..I'm now writing my blog..haha..

just need some fresh air..a peace of mind.hope it'll circulate my blood better.ya right..i wanna go back to my room and have a slumber sleep like mad now!!

i don't know how to explain..but just to let ya'll know..Curtin geology course is absolutely a different story and NO, it is NOT an easy course. We have different selection of units and we are learning more than just Geology.Cause...I'm now handling a software call Arc Map which is mostly use for spatial science..and it is so damnnnnnnn stressfull!!
urmm..well..okay..it IS somewhat related to geology..a bit..

I'm in denial am I...huuu

i wanna bathe..huu..i must smell of 'unmandiness' now..can smell it right up to my nose buds..(hehe..suddenly I am imagining that I'm Isabella Swan and my Edward Cullen loves my smell no matter what..wee..~ .) ....well..that would never happen though..sigh~

Geez..I'm getting overboard with this..okay now, bye2..

wE'LL meet soon..nighty..

a new leaf

2009-10-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

nighty nighty..

urmmm...

i would like to be a more active blogger..sharing thoughts and views..

and..yet..still being expressive..

so should i talk about my life and the surrounding..of course..
what bout political views..should I?..i don't want to spark anything..so this part is somehow scary to touch..but what's wrong with giving opinions right..

what bout religion..well..not the best man to talk bout it..
stay a low profile...(well..well..well)

should i talk bout my syg..have been doing it a lot..=p..

family? a must..

cat..must must must..

food...absolutely!look at me..I'm all chubby and not pretty..huu..

owh yes..beauty products..I'm dying to find someone who can really talk bout it.help give me suggestions..cause i'm searching for a really good brand for my skin..i have tried Clinique, skin food, loreal, cetaphil..none really works well u know..and my skin has lost it's glow..so stressful!

recently I have been eyeing body shop skin care range..the promoter at KLIA's bodyshop outlet attracts me..and She is a He..but very amiable..and very nice..and so..she promoted me a skin care range...I kind of like it..but I am still reluctant..cause I don't want to regret like I did when I bought skin food products..

it's not like they are bad for my skin..but i barely see any improvement at all...well..maybe I'm not patient enough...hehe..

but i tried body shop toner before..it feels good..thick texture..and quite rich...

so what do u think?..hurmm...hit me on some suggestions yaa...

owhh..my darling has online...gtg...=)

we'll meet soon..very soon..tata.

serenity..

2009-10-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

hello night..
no matter how sad I am..and no matter how i miss him so..i feel better when I listen to this song..
i don't remember if this was given by him...or i just seem to stumble upon it..but i like it..

it's by jikustik:pandangi langit malam ini

Putri, jangan menangis
Hapus air mata
Di wajah cantikmu

Putri, kepergianku
Tak akan lama
Tahan rindumu

Putri, seandainya saja
Kubisa, menghentikan waktu
Kuhentikan waktu

Bila kau rindukan aku putri,
Coba kau pandangi langit malam ini, aku di situ
Bila itu tak cukup mengganti
Cobalah kau hirup udara pagi, aku di situ

Mungkin dengan perpisahan
Kita kan mengerti arti pertemuan

Putri, percaya padaku
Ini hanya likuan hidup
Yang pasti berakhir

i realize that if sadness gloom me..i won't be a happy person at all..so..remind me whenever I'm sad that..there is always a light at the end of the tunnel..

and yes..I guess I have been only writing bout sadness all over my blog..hurmm..alright..I'll keep u updated about my happy times too ya..the thing is..whenever I'm happy..i don't have the mood to write..hehe..

good night.world..we'll meet pretty soon..

i don't know this feeling..

2009-10-18T21:48:00.000+08:00

it has been two days since we last ym or skype...

it's all due to his internet..he said..
well..i truly understand..i feel sad that he had to curb his expenses..he barely has money to eat well..

but it pinches me when i saw the lovely pictures which he and his friends took at the lovely park...i don't know the feeling...is it jealousy cause I'm stuck here and he went abroad..or is it just the unbearable sadness cause I can't be there to share his joy..i don't know which.. but i know it's pain..

and this pain flick every time i look at any other pictures showing the same joy, not only just his..but others too..i just wish i could be there..i want to see the world too..i should be there..it was my dream...and it perished..not long time ago..bringing all my dream to ashes..and i carried this pain for years..it has never healed..

i guess it's wrong to have this kind of feeling especially to the person I love deeply..but no, I am indeed very much happy for him..I'm proud of him..and I wish he's always happy wherever he is..with or without me..

but how can I be happy..when I can't share it..when I can't breathe the different air he breathe almost everyday now....

I'm grateful with what i have..but Dear Lord..I can't seem to let this go away..

and every time tears take me away again..

Good night heart..heal soon..

Drainage system..

2009-10-18T19:33:00.000+08:00

Last week..was a dreadful week..a stressful week I could say...and so are the comings..

I cried..after been trying more than a dozen times to save my GIS pracs..and it failed again and again..which is embarrassing because..If u are living in Curtin..everything that u do will be known by everyone in half an hour..honestly..i hate it..but it's the way of life here..people loves news..they're craving for them..cause they don't have anything to do..it's pitiful..but i guess i was doing them a favour cause at least they get some entertainment..so..it's not much of a big deal..

there are always some mouth to carry the words around..or maybe the wind blows them..all the way to the other buildings as well...so u can expect everybody knew that I was crying and well..yeah...I guess rumoring bout it as well..haha..but yeahh..twas my fault too..should have been able to handle the pressure wiser..it's just that...I hate anything to do with software.so it makes it even tougher when SW plus articulate things now together..much tougher for me..and yeah..i feel like pulling my hair out..and breaking the so called high class PC our lab has here..

and yet...I manage to finish off the assignment..alhamdulillah..=) but I haven't start on the report though..I have to take a day off..and the day is today..my happy sunday..where I curb in my cocoon reading story books..and letting myself off..

and tomorrow..will witness another wrenching day..must start the engine..urghhh...dreadful..

d.r.e.a.d.f.u.l...

and the wort thing is..I miss syg so much..wish his internet will work soon..i'm having sleepless nights without seeing him..on the webcam..huuu..

and yeah..good day world..we'll meet..again..

An emotional call

2009-10-18T18:59:00.000+08:00

haven't been writing for quite sometime..and now i just feel like to..

i don't spend time blogging cause i think it's hard to deliver the truth, things just doesn't smell the same when i write about them..they're usually a bit musty..not fresh..but yeah..i should try right..

there are many occurrences in my life since the last blog i wrote that push to me to write things about people..about people i dislike..people that i think I'm hating..oh..how i wish i hate this person till death..but i just cannot.cause..it is not right to do so..cause..I'm a Muslim..and a Muslim does not hate a person...i have no right to..a Muslim must dislike the attitude that a person carries, but not the person..as each person is being delivered to this earth for solid reason...as what God has decided upon the being.

at least that's what I have been told..and Lord..I have tried so hard to be soft heart..to accept the narcissism that this person has shown me. to understand that maybe it is the background of life which had make this person as it is..

to say I haven't try adapting and apologizing both to myself and to this person..i have. in fact..i have done a few.and none are responded well..so I have done my part..and yes..I will not do nothing more..it's a waste of time..energy and it's tiring...so I leave it to God..to show to me or to this person..the truth of life..maybe not now..maybe someday..it can be a painful lesson or it can be meaningful..I leave it to the Lord..for his indescribable power is what I am most afraid..not the glare and pathetic talks I heard behind my back..for they might scratch me..but Nay, they don't kill me..

and yes..I've consulted my beloved..so for me..that is enough..it already makes me happy..cause they are my pure hearts..the one who really cares..

and again..thank you blog..cause..for some reason..writing this down has make me smile...

and I realize..you give me such a peace of mind...than spilling out to some people who called themselves a friend..but a friend only when there's in need for something that I own indeed..the truth is..I'm tired of people who wish me to back them up when they're in their emotional call..but behave pathetically selfish when I'm having one of my own..that, my mum say is no friend...and so it is how i take it too.

and I realize..I don't have anything against anyone at all....cause I am grateful that I'm happy.happy to be me..

Good night world..soon..we'll meet..

Some lazy typing hands..

2009-07-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

At Satay Zul's.Nyamm~ Heartssssssss.....

Hush and...
Hye..
Haven't been blogging for a while..
Cause haven't got the feeling to..
Life at home is just as great as it can be..
Nothing would win this serene feelings..
Oh..How much I love being at home..
Where all the love in the world gather for me..where all the good hearts are..where my soul is.. Where happiness can be defined..
And Yet..Curtin does not offer that..nope..not at all..
Curtin is just like a surviving task for me..
Where everything is the opposite meaning..nothing of honesty and love..
All just hatred and wrenching..
Competitiveness and back stabbing..
A world I am not happy to be..but a world which I am to grasp in..

So..
Why didn't I write..

I don't see the need to..
Cause at home my feelings are free..
There's no hiding..
There's no acting..
So why must I do writing..
I write when I am in grieve..
When life seems so unfair that I am drowning by the unfairness..
I write when I have hatred to give..
A feeling which the good people say not good to breed with..
Hey people..I am in a league of my own..
I don't die when you stab me in the heart..even if your dagger shines as the sun..
I die when God say it's time..
Till then..don't expect me to sing a lullaby and wasting my time..

P/S: This is not a poem..it's a metaphor which only I understand..*wink*

Darn..I love being at home..with the people I love..It feels like raining love..!!!

Family is like food..something special that I can't live without..

I love you...

2009-04-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

Today we fight. Again..and I guess it is my fault.It has always been my fault everytime we fought though. I never intended to hurt him. I guess I keep on doing it. I believe he gets fed up with it but he says he doesn't.I don't really know what our problem is. Distance? It is a factor. Maybe it's my period..lame excuses but it is true. I jut don't feel me no more. The thoughts get blurred and I can't think straight. Emotions get mixed up and anger flows in for no bloody reasons.

I just don't want solutions no more. I want him.Just talking to him. Hearing him giving me options of my life.Hearing his voice soothed me and it is enough. Enough to get myself back on feet again. Enough to keep me cuddled in his love. Nobody knows how hard it is to believe that I would have him even when he's far away. What helps me? Trust him and trust love. Trust GOD.It was never easy being far away. I had fought and went through so much things to keep it blooms. I have injected various feelings to keep me calm when he's not around. And I keep on hurting him. There's no other stupid person than me. But somehow I think he changed. He is more matured nowadays. He sees things differently.And I tremendously adore that. And I guess he wants me to be matured like him too. Fast.

But I haven't reach that state. And he might not understand that. Or it might be that I'm just stupid. Well, I'm stupid enought to hurt the one I love. Oh..I love him. Yes I do. But I'm a never ending problem for him. Wasting his time with my problems and useless feelings. And never stop worrying whether we are gonna make it through or not. But why shouldn't I be? I am an average woman among all other incredibly awesome women. Who have maturity, beauty, money, body and brains. What do I have to compare. And yet I still want him to love me and never stop loving me. Is it too much to ask..Will he stills love me after all the hurt and painful feelings that I have grant him ?

He gave me this. A song which I cried listening to:

demi semua yang aku jalani bersamamu
kuingin kau jadi milikku
kuingin kau disampingku

tanpa dirimu ku hanya manusia tanpa cinta
dan hanya dirimu yang bisa
membawa syurga dalam hati

kuingin engkau menjadi milikku
aku akan mencintaimu
menjagamu selama hidupku
dan aku kan berjanji
hanya kaulah yang kusayangi
ku akan setia disini
menemani…

sentuhanmu
bagaikan tangan sang dewi cinta
yang berhiaskan bunga asmara
dan membuatku tak kuasa

di setiap arung gerak
tersimpan di hati kecilku
bahwa dirimu terindah untukku

selama ku masih bisa bertahan
selama ku masih bisa bernafas
selama Tuhan masih mengizinkan
kuingin selalu menjagamu

selama ku masih bisa bertahan
selama ku masih bisa bernafas

Does he stills love me?

Cause I love him.

Money Matters in the Pocket

2009-04-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

I am having a love-hate relationship with the day today. I'm depressed that i don't have the will and chutzpah like Shahul to finish my sedi assignment. and I feel like I want to slap faiz mau's korean tanned(koten) face cause he's so cool that he starts doing nothing but watching you tube lollipop video.and here i am in shahul's place writing like two to three lines of sentences and end up writing this post. what is wrong with me.Gosh..Putri you have to start working and not to just grumbles every moment of the day!and where am I going to find that bloody enthusiasm to start focusing on the assignment.

I can see and hear jiji's typing sound of hand motion in front of me and my brain starts to generate psychotic adrenalin rush telling me that I am so in trouble for hanging around doing nothing. I don't like me write now and I don't like doing this freaking assignment cause I kinda not knowing when it's going to end. and here I am writing about my assignment.Damn yeah it's creepy for me too.and yes..I know it's boring.

So let's move to my another brain wreckage event today.the field trip fee is now RM300 and Dear God.. where am I going to find that another 100.and lastly..I have to ask from my big brother and make him promised not to tell my mum about it cause I just don't feel right to ask money from them again.I have asked too much this month. And yes.. being a pet scholar does not mean that I have big money.Well..it's okay though.I'm happy with what I have now.It's just this field trip thingie has been bugging me a lot now and I'm still hoping that DR.Masa and Dr. Naga will just lowered it down a bit.Hoping that my claim will be in by this week.Pray pray..Amen. and yeah..my big bro sarcastically allow me to borrow his money.huhu..but luckily Alhamdulillah I have a brother to help me when this kind of things happen.hehehe...don't worry Pami, I promise I will buy your future kids lots and lots of toys r' us.Swear.=p

And yes..I should stop typing and focus back on my assignment which has shown urrrmmm.. a tiny itsy bitsy improvement.A big clap to me..yayyy..Good girl.And to sayang..I love you.I miss you today. And I miss combi and lala too(my kittens). Roll on.

Entry Coin for Her Pocket

2009-04-12T15:55:00.001+08:00

Hello..

Hye..hahaaa..my first entry and it feels so bloody weird. Not into this kinda things before cause I think and still believes that writing about me and my world is totally gonna be very boring. There's nothing so peculiar and interesting about me cause verbal actions have already help me a lot in releasing stress.=p But thanks a lot to syepah and sofia for motivating me or can I say promoting/persuading me to start blogging cause they say blogging is a sweet and a cute act.

Well..guys I would want to be sweet and cute too.hehe..and thanx to shahul for boosting my desire to start blogging as he says that blogging should help me release my karma-tic depression symptoms and help me be a better person. whatever it is I just want to blog cause I want to write about things in my life that give such an impact to me and here comes writing which can help me to sing them out peacefully. haha..we'll se..I always over expressed things and I know people dislike that. I might be totally into this thing or this might be the only entry i will write.And again..We'll see how it goes throughout the way. I might be writing boring things which are sensitive, touching, heavy, out of mind, weird, sad, hateful and which contains all of the feelings in the world. But it will be me and that's for me is who and what I am..I don't really have topics to write right now but writing this particular piece already feels interesting.And writing more sounds exciting.=D Hehe..

For all the things that has happened throughout my life I believe that Allah has been the ultimate creator of every single event and HE is where i seek peace and help all the time.Whatever it is I love my family deeply, my mum, dad and big bro and .hehe..Thanx for always being there for me and yes I do love you guys eternally. And by the love and permission of Allah for each seconds of my life and for the air that I breathe, I would like to start my life blog with bismillahirrahmanirrahim..Thank you God.

P/S: Dear my lovely sayang..I love you so much. and you know that if I am to write about you it will never has an ending cause your voice, smell and heartbeat surrond me each moment of my days. And even if people say it's too much I don't care cause at every seconds of my life I am praying to GOD that I will be able to spend my entire life till my last breath ends with you. We pray and we are going to make it happen by HIS will.God's willing.