Sad sad feeling

Didn't plan to write anything actually but somehow feeling that I need to..


Feeling bored and hurt when mr bf. loves to go to kl without me and hanging out just with his friends..
considering the fact that I am stranded here at home, not allowed to go out to kl other than just kuantan..and pekan (geez!)
Knowing some more that he really had a good hanging out moments with his friends..and some of them are very, pretty petite, attractive, THIN and well behaved young girls...>_


When I am here in the house everyday doing the same routine waiting for my SI from petronas only hoping and praying that I'll pass it with good results..lying there in front of the tv looking almost dead..and sometimes did not even walk more than 1m from the house gate..(geez!!)


I don't know really..for the time being I don't really feel like talking to him..I really prefer to just sulk..
I even feel that he shouldn't be coming to Kuantan...I just want to sulk...
Well, I am jealous of course...who doesn't get jealous???


And yes, fyi, THIN, gorgeous, petite and beautiful young girl is a definite threat for God sake...when will he understand that!! 
And yes, I am angry...cause I somehow feel neglected...even if he's coming over on Saturday..to meet me
Ahh..I'm such a mess.
Yonghwa, please seduce me right now..I really need some love...


And yes, I haven't got my period yet!!..can't it just be on the dot every month??!! 


Still I'm praying that he'll have a safe journey here on the way to Kuantan...I still vowed to sulk though..=(


Merajukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A difficult situation..

Have you ever been in a situation when u have to decide which sides are you going to be in..?


And yet when you don't choose sides..you will still be blamed..


When the only think you want to do is not to make things worst..and to sustain that serenity you have with the others...


What I've learn in life from this tragedy is that..maybe..just maybe..when somebody tried to get away from u, that particular person might be feeling suffocated from all the attention and obsession that are put on him/her..
Maybe and just maybe...some things have to be sincerely asked..not forced...
Maybe and just maybe..we do not know that a person cannot be owned and told what to do..
Maybe and just maybe...we do not only own anybody and we also cannot forced anybody to want, like, love and respect us as much as we want to...
Just live life without expectations..and respect what people want and do not want from us..
Maybe and just maybe...life is not about depending on others to make us happy and entertained..
Maybe just maybe...when u have a bird in your hands..you must know that when it has to fly..it has to fly..
Maybe just maybe...when the time comes..u have to let go..or it will die...


What is the point of owning a bird who doesn't want to be owned and to be tied down..?
What is the point of labeling the bird your own when it does not want to be labeled as yours..?
And the bird has its own journey and choices it wants to make..
No matter if it's right or wrong...it does not give us the right to make it follow our whistle of joy..
Even if it makes the wrong choices...we have to respect the journey it took..
Cause there will come a time when life will teach the bird about right and wrong..
No matter if it is the hard way or the easy way...
It wont laugh..it won't cry if it doesn't want to...
Then what is the point of forcing it..??
Don't you feel that it is a torture to that person?
Don't blame the bird if it rebels...maybe it's our own mistakes after all...


Maybe and just maybe...we can't just focus on the the bird being a selfish angry bird
Who does not appreciate our love, care and hope...
Maybe..we should focus on the days that the bird makes us happy, sings us beautiful songs when we are sad,
A bird which brings us to the world of love that we have never felt before..
A bird which has bear the cage of our love cause it does not want to hurt our feelings..
A bird which has to sacrifice its own happiness, hopes and dreams to fly far away and do what it wants to do but it can't, because we lock it in our own big dark cage...
Remember, the world is not ours..
It has it reasons why it wants to go away...
That does not mean that it forgets our deed..
Maybe it just want to be free...to make her own choices, path and joy..
Be happy for it...at least...


Remember..there is always a bad side and a good side of a person. 
Only a maksum is purely clean, good and sinless...
If you really love a friend...then embrace both of the good and bad side entirely and try to adapt.
Cause maybe..just maybe...she/he have embraced ours long time ago...

Thank you for the visit.

Hellow Mellow..

I forgot to tell you that I a few of my uni classmates came for a visit yesterday and it was a too short but a nice one. I wanna say thanks for coming and sorry for not being able to bring you guys thoroughly around Kuantan and haven't really cook tasty dishes for you guys. =(.. So jiji, shahul, wanie,mau and salaam..thanks a lot for visiting this tiny old house. I'm embarrassed that the boys' room upstairs is a little bit small that u guys had to cramp in for the night.huhu..I admit that my house is very comfortable enough for my small family but not much space for many..huhu..you guys must be feeling uneasy with the small space but I hope it was still pleasant though..=)

And to jiji and wanie too, sorry that wanie had to sleep on the floor and that my room is messy as usual and quite cramp too..I hope u guys had a great time though chit chatting with my parents..ngehehehe...they really wished you guys could come again anytime in the future so that we all can have a lovely dinner or lunch somewhere nice in Kuantan..=)

I've been wanting to go to jiji's house but I guess that it will not be anytime soon since my parents are worried about me driving to dungun all the way as I'm not familiar with the traffic plus I'm not an experienced driver yet..been remembering the cendol and kropok lekor which jiji had mentioned they went for a small feast...wahh..so jealous...slurpp...

So that's all for tonight..I wish they had a wonderful Malaysia tour and get to box in lots and lots of new experiences throughout their journey..would love to do that too but probably with my husband?ehe..=p

my mood is better today..had a talk with faeez this afternoon and decided to apply fors job from other companies only after we've known the result for my interview and my status with petronas..we concluded that there are many solid reasons why we should wait until we get the result..will be writing about it probably in another distinct post..wish me all the best though..

Goodnight mwahss..

Days at home

Hi.

So I have been staying at home with the almost similar routine everyday and happily announcing that I haven't really feel bored about it yet.I do sometimes feel lost a bit..but laying back at home,watching tv, movies and hanging out with my parents during the weekends are pretty enjoyable.Last week we went out for a family karaoke and we also watched the tourist. I enjoyed the movie, really..my thumbs up to it. 

the tourist has a simple storyline and don't expect james bond actions but it was very entertaining.probably because there's johnny depp and the sexy jolie..(I still believe that she did plastic surgery cause she looked so effing different when she was young, bluerghh~~)..whatever the fuss though, she is amazingly still very alluring and a definitely good actress..so, it was fun for me!

And yeah..people are really worried about the official transcript release from Curtin to Pet and bla bla bla..which I am yes very worried too, but I'm too worried to give a damn about it. Not being a cocky or ignorant here, but really, the wait is up to the limit so I don't really care if it's out late or early.I really should be worried though, due to the fact that this determines my career and future. I am more in my own little worrying world. Haven't call HR or Curtin yet. I think I'm just gonna wait until everything is calmed down and when any updates are aired. A bit annoyed with people who's trying to advice or trying to'be the noble bridge' of these two parties cause hell yeah..this is not uni anymore, stop doing that. Personally, it is irritating, annoying and nauseating. And yes. I don't care what people think....not now.

Don't get me wrong..I'm terrified of my status and SI result. Being at home, I haven't apply for any job from any other companies yet. NONE AT ALL.And I am very sickly worried. I really want get on with some applications but the petronas result is bothering me. I thought that I want to wait for the result and only apply for other jobs if petronas releases me. Pray to Allah, I really pray to get accepted and recommended. But I guess time isn't waiting for me..Being a geologist, it's hard to get a job as a fresh graduates. And I know that my friends have been applying here and there. Allah will look at the effort too..so I should be applying jobs from other companies. It's a terrifying journey after graduating..especially when you wanna be a geologist.

But geology has make me who I am today.a person who looks at the world differently from you do..and I think I came to cherish God's creation more..a more adventurous, tough, independent and a creative person, at least in my own pace as an individual.InsyaAllah...

Writing this at this hour witnesses the instability of my emotions..I am indeed not emotionally stable but it's really hard to get all this feelings out, even when this is my blog, knowing that human being is judgmental has put in many restrictions to the way I actually want to say things out.... 

Oh My Yonghwa..

I am crazy about YongSeo couple in the We Got Married episodes. I even think and feel that I am Seohyun and I'm not embarrassed about it at all.hahaa...the think is, I felt shy whenever Yonghwa stares at the camera and butterflies fill up my tummy when he smiles. And when that 'skinship' occurs,..BAMM!! I'm on cloud nine...for hours..weeeuww...a really meowishh feeling~~ ^_^

I think I am hallucinating at night more than dreaming..Just last night I dreamt that CnBLUE had a concert in my high school and I ( wearing the korean school uniform complete with the short skirts and the bow tie..) ran hysterically down the corridor to watch it. It's kinda weird that people are watching it in lines though but to put it as a dream, everything seems like a perfect setting.hehe..

And at the end of the concert, CNBLUE and suddenly there's SNSD Seohyun too passing by us and I managed to shout:

"Yonghwa Oppa, Good Job!"..and he replied it with a smile, a wink and a thumbs up gesture!

Until now, I feel completely in love and crazy at the same time. And nobody can take away that dream from me. I again feel it was completely real, logical and reasonable. =)

Geez.. YongSeo phenomena is a mental disease~

Football Fever

With everybody celebrating the victory of the Tiger team winning the AFF Suzuki Cup, I somehow feel 'involved' in the whole process. My level of involvement is however very different from the other extreme supporters as my 'involvement' is deduced from the fact that I watched the whole match till the end for the very first time in my life. That, for me is a great achievement.hehehe..

Plus the fact that I never really like football. I even vowed to boycott it, hate it for destroying the quality times I should have with sayang when he has to go and play football. I even think that he should marry the ball himself due to the fact that he is so in love with the game. Plus, I don't see a tiny significant in football as it always seems weird to me that more than 15 people are chasing one round boring little ball and trying to kick it right into the goal. For these reasons, I have always preferred rugby. Rugby for me, is a true men's game..full with masculinity, strategies, speed and tactics. Intense and yet worth to watch. But then again, I guess the football match last night did attract me due tot he fact that Malaysia was going against Indonesia. This has the factor of patriotism going around so I decided to be involved.hehe...

My whole review on the football game based on last night match is:

Intense enough to give me a heart attack and full with the elements of suspense. In fact it is too suspense that It gives me a very uncomfortable feeling where I can't wait to know the final result. I screeched everytime our ball reached the opponents' goal and whenever Indonesia gets a penalty kick. It was a dramatic experience for me, and very operatic too. But luckily we won or else the screams and shouts my dad and I were doing will all gone to waste. Hahaha..it was funny really and of course enjoyable. But I really don't like the anticipation and the risk of being upset whenever the opponent scored a goal. Overall, I'll probably watch another game ( a good start) only if the team I am supporting is winning like last night...=) Well, that will save me the worries and tension..=)

Malaysia is definitely awesome to win the AFF Suzuki Cup and for the first time in my life I feel somehow 'absorbed' into the cheering and anticipation of the whole journey...Well done I must say and congratulations!

With the wining of Malaysia and with the ridiculous accusations Indonesians have thrown to us, I really think Malaysian should be very grateful to have a prosperous country. When I read the papers, 'hostility not hospitality' news in the NST it strikes me that they are a poor country with not enough food and facilities provided for the whole nation. I guess that's why they are always angry, threatening and attacking our players, even accusing that K-Gunalan is an import player. They were even boo-ing Rajagopal when he entered the field probably thinking that he is an import coach too. HAHA..Well, it's funny but Malaysians should be really thankful and grateful with the stability that we are having today.

Don't just oppose and disagree with everything without really thinking. There will never be a perfect government but at least I am thankful that this one has create policies which have brought me to where I am today. Be thankful, that's all we should do. Jangan terlalu mudah menuduh dan terlalu mudah mengkafirkan orang lain hanya dengan sedikit ilmu.

In Malaysia, this happens especially shown by the Punggung Koyak Rabak Party..menuduh itu dan ini kepada orang laen, kutuk sane, kutuk sini,making promises that they can't fulfill,...and yet, nothing happens. Only excuses are being made to save his butt of the jail..well, having a lawyer as a cousin gives me a real insight on the matter...but whatever it is, wallahuallam. Silaturrahim itu lebih penting kan..Just my 2 cents...

Cheers!! =)

One word and the rest of it..

empathy..

what is the best way to express that? most people, at least me hate being sympathized. it's one way of telling people that, hey I can get through this without anyone's help. it's a way to protect ourselves I believe. Egoistic character which I again believe everybody actually have. It's a defense mechanism most people have, especially me.

this happens in life..and this will happen again and again. there are times when you will be empathized or vice versa. at this point, I will personally say that it is a term of saying that you care. And you hope that you can do something to mend it.It might not be big..it might just be a very small favour like getting you to smile again.

what do you do when a person care for you? do you block this person out, or do you treat them rudely. a standard 'scheme' is that you should treat this person the nicest way. But this does not apply to everybody. a person is nothing predictable. And everybody should at least get to understand that. Human being act in the most peculiar way and there is no specific pattern or trend for human behaviour. At least, that is what I believe.

this post might not be of any significant to anyone, but it is for me. As far as I know, I choose to care for a certain people..and I don't care for everybody and anybody. So isn't it a privilege when I care? Or is it just an annoying statement? this is probably just a hormonal fluctuation by the way.